Recently I’ve been watching and reading a lot of romance series. Just now I just watched “Mirai Yosouzu” which is about a couple who spend 5 years together and then gets asked if he wants to go to Spain to do architecture. But then decides he doesn’t want to go because he wants to stay with her. However, as she doesn’t want to hold him back from living his dream, she breaks up with him. Yet as the years pass, she goes to see him in Spain but sees him with a child and a women. As she walks away he notices her back but doesn’t think its her. Yet a few months later he asks a friend how she is and finds out his friend told a lie as revenge and then goes to Japan to find her and confess his feelings.

The same kind of idea as “Paradise Kiss”, The female gets tricked into modelling for some University students final project. George/Jōji has finally found his perfect model, his Muse. Yet the girl just doesn’t feel the same, in fact, its the opposite. Yet when it comes to her walking down the catwalk, she is thanked by a forceful kiss at first but then she starts to accept her feelings. However, it doesn’t work out and she focuses more on her new found passion for modelling. A few years later and she is visiting NY where she coincidently meets someone who is still working Jōji. She goes to his apartment where she finds a pile of magazines in which she is featured in. As she turns around after picking them off the floor, there he stands.

Now that kind of story really makes me think that I’m not that different. But if my ex-boyfriend were to ever come and confess to me again, I wouldn’t turn him away. We were together for 4 years. Even though I was the one who ended the relationship, I still tend to think about what things would be like if we were still together. We were really close and recently I’ve been feeling kind of alone because no-one really understood me like he did. It might actually be one regret that I have but what’s done is done. I don’t think that what happens in Japanese Romance drama’s will happen to me. Its just not how the events in my life plays out.

I do understand why I’m so single and even though people find it shocking that I’m not married and not even with someone. I clearly know why. I push those closest to me away as soon as I start to get scared. I keep myself to myself but I have a tendency to fan girl over guys I’m never going to meet. I can be stubborn when I’m focused on something but at the same time I can be weak under severe pressure.

Yet I’m still waiting for someone to be more stubborn than and break down that wall I always put up.